I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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