ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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