We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
