my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
