This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
