meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
