I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
