I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
