we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
