This is not my ceiling
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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