hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
