I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
