i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
