all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
