It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
