Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
