But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
