your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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