her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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