Cold hands, warm shart.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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