his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
