dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
