by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
