He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
