people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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