do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
