Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
