Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
