im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
