Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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