i wish starbucks made bloody marys
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
