Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Where is the hickey?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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