if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
