Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
They have beer where we have blood.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
