Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
