woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
