Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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