Someone shit on the floor
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
