I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
