ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
