Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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