i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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