So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
