I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
