i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
