btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
