Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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