How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
