Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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