You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
