Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
