Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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